Lightshines Returns

Long time MMM readers will remember "Lightshines" as a prolific writer of song parodies related to the content on this and other blogs.

MoreMonmouthMusings is pleased to welcome him or her back with this rendition of Natural Republican

Lightshines said...

Sipprelle's real loyalties have left so many people in doubt that we needed a professional to find out the truth. We had Aretha Franklin, a natural woman, interview him and here's what she says Scott told her:

Looking out at the morning news
I used to feel so uninspired
Givin’ all that money to the Democrats
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met the GOP, life was so unkind
But the GOP’s the key to gettin’ my pie

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A nat’ral Republican

When my soul was in the lost-and-found
Hooked up with the liberal party
I didn't know just what was wrong with me
Till your endorsement helped me name it
Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for
And if I get your support I don't need to do more

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A nat’ral Republican

Oh, baby, what you've done for me
You givin’ me this opportunity
And I just want to be your candidate
You make me feel so alive
You make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A nat’ral Republican

Calling Lightshines, Has Anyone Seen Lightshines

Lightshines, if your reading this please contact me post haste for an urgent assignment

Thank you Lightshines

Lightshines said...

This was a tough week to get into politics. With Imus, and the Durham prosecutor, the “auto crash” and, most of all, Virginia Tech, political pedantry seemed a little meaningless. But this past week, we celebrated a career of courage that is worthy of recognition. With the help of Simon and Garfinkel, this week we’ll Graduate to something a little more positive.

And here's to you, Jackie Robinson
The nation loves you more than you will know.
You’ve blessed us all, Jackie Robinson
Heaven holds a field for you to play ,
Hey, hey, hey

You taught us all a little bit about just who we are
We learned to be much better than we were.
When you played you might not notice sympathetic eyes,
But if you played today you’d feel at home.

And here's to you, Jackie Robinson,
The nation loves you more than you will know.
You’ve blessed us all, Jackie Robinson
Heaven holds a field for you to play,
Hey, hey, hey

There wasn’t any hiding place where you could ever go.
A place where you weren’t always in the spotlight.
You made a better world a Robinson's affair.
Most of all you were a model for the kids.

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Jackie Robinson,
The nation loves you more than you will know.
You’ve blessed us all, Jackie Robinson
Heaven holds a field for you to play,
Hey, hey, hey

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon.
Watching the world that you made happen
When they shouted boy to you
You showed you were a man
Every time they hate, you win, they lose.

True, we all liked Joe DiMaggio,
But our nation came of age because of you.
Where you have been, Jackie Robinson.
Your courage made the hatred go away,
Hey hey hey. Hey hey hey.

Manalapan Mickey Mouse Club

Now it's to say goodbye

to Steve Mc-En-er-ry....


write the next line in the comments section

UPDATE :

I was hoping this would bring Lightshines out!

Lightshines says...

I figured that if we were going to talk about the Mickey Mouse Club, I'd go right to the source. Jimmie Dodd really doesn't like McEnery and helped me write this song:

Who's the leader of the clan
That leaves out you and me
M-C-E-N-E-R
Y is he still here?

Steve McEnery!
Adam’s Mentor

He’s worked to make the republican banner
Die! Die! Die! Die!

Come along and sing a song
Help set Manalapan Free
M-C-E-N-E-R
Y is he still here?

The Real Republican Club
We'll have fun
and build our party
High! High! High! High!

Who's the leader of the clan
That leaves out you and me
M-C-E-N-E-R
Y is he still here?

Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
You're as welcome as can be

M-C-E-N-E-R
Y not throw him out!

Steve McEnery
Mickey Mouse Club
When he’s gone we’ll build our party
High! High! High! High!

M-C-E E’s gonna be leavin’
N-E-R R’s are going to triumph
Y not throw him out.

Mickey Mouse!

David Jones is a disgrace

David Jones, President of the NJ State Troopers union is a disgrace. In retaliation for exposing the ticket blist his union members planned for the month of May, Jones revealed "Jersey Guy" Craig Carton's home address and license plate number to the media during a profanity laced press conference. He threatened to do the same to Carton's sidekick, Ray Rossi as well as to all the advertisers on the duo's radio show. If you happen to be pulled over by a state trooper, turn off the radio on your way the the glove box for your registration and insurance card.

Jones made an already tough job, State Trooper, tougher. Animous between the general public and the State Police is not generally warranted and not healthy. He should resign, for the benefit of his members and for the benefit of the people of New Jersey.

When I heard Craig Carton making his statement before going off the air to protect his family, my first angry reaction was to find Jones's home address and publish it here. Finding it was the easy part. Stooping to his level, I just couldn't bring myself to do.

You can write,call or email Jones at:

State Troopers Fraternal Association
2634 Highway 70
Manasquan, N.J. 08736

Phone (732)528-6388
Fax (732)223-4947

president@stfa.org


Update from Lightshines:

Lightshines said...

Since David Jones isn't a professional, we asked Roy Orbison to help him tell his story:

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm still a cop
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm a eunuch but no one can tell

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
I threaten and attack and I bluster
I play the game but to my real shame
I bring scorn on the people who serve

Too real is the anger I show to the world
Too real when I feel what my heart
can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
They’re laughing at me, I’m a clown
I’m breaking the law every day (you see)
I wear my hate like a crown
Wondering why good cops let me hang around

Yeah ooh hoo
Too real when I feel what my heart
can't conceal

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Violating privacy whereever I can (ooh ooh)
I’m not a good cop, but I know how to hate
I'm wearing my hate like a crown
Wondering why good cops let me hang around
Wondering why good cops let me hang around

Monmouth's Greatest Hit. Thank you Lightshines

Lightshines said...

Art Gallagher's courage and vision has inspired John Lennon to rewrite his legendary masterpiece for Monmouth County:

Imagine there's no bosses
It's easy if you try
No one there to block us
Our limit is the sky
Imagine all the people
Voting for freedom today...

Imagine there's real choices
It isn't hard to do
The freedom soldiers die for
And good government too
Imagine all the people
Voting with a smile...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope today you'll join us
And we’ll all write-in as one

Imagine voting for Anna
If you want to, then you can
No need for disappointment
If you’re a Little fan
Imagine all the people
Sharing at the polls...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I know today you'll join us
And the County will be won

And the Wasser beat goes on...

MoreMonmouthMusings welcomes back Lightshines

Lightshines said...
Since he won't resign, they won't fire him and he won't return the money, it looks like this story isn't going away any time soon. So I asked Sam Cooke what he thought about all of it. He told me he personally interviewed Wasser who told him:

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the courses I took

But I do know that I conned you
And I know that if I can keep it too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about doctorates
Don't know much about education
Don't know much about leadership
Don't know what those ethics are for

But I do know about BSU
If I get the credit and the bill goes to you
What a wonderful world this would be

Now I don't claim to be an "A" super
But I'm trying to be
So maybe by being a Jack “A” super
I can win more goodies for me

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the course I took

But I do know that I conned you
And I know that if I can keep it too
What a wonderful world this would be

La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(Doctorate)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(Dissertation)
La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(what’s a book?)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(courses I took)

But I do know that I conned you
And I know that if I can keep it too
What a wonderful world this would be

The Ballad of Billy Barham

By Lightshines

Well, news of the county's new tax raise has reached Texas, where they've gathered round the campfire to sing the Ballad of Billy Barham:

There's a Guvnor raising Taxes, that’s who I’d like to be,
Nobody else could raise them, not half as much as me.
You tried to make me leave here, but before you even start,
If I raise them more than e’er, we nevermore will part.

It’s the crispest smell of revenue
This county ever knew
You’ll have to sell your diamonds
And the house you live in too
You may talk about what used to be
And sing of Kean and Larrison
But with me and Corzine, Taxes
Will fund our spending spree.

When the Navesink is flowing, and things are really tight,
You’ll walk along the river in the quiet summer night:
I know that you remember, it was not so long ago,
When quality ran our government and the State could really grow.

Oh now I'm counting taxes, as we rake in all your dough,
And we'll think about the prosperous times, that we had long ago
We'll watch your property values sink as we tax you rich and poor,
And we’ll all keep raising taxes which you’ll pay forevermore.

Lightshines said...

Thanks to Dion, Abraham, Martin and John.

Has anybody here seen our Grand Old Party
Can you tell me where it’s gone
We elected a lot of people
But it seems that those days all are fading
You know, I looked around and their gone

Anybody here seen our Grand Old Party
Can you tell me where it’s gone
Our great leaders have left us
We’re being run by vicious fools
Adam, Malcolm and Barham.

Anybody here seen our Grand Old Party
We were out on top for decades
We controlled the county
We never ever lost a race
Before Adam, Malcolm and Barham

Didn’t you love the things that we stood for?
Wasn’t our County the best that it could be
But now it’s gone
Adam’s still here, and we’re gonna keep losing

Anybody here seen our Grand Old Party
Can you tell me where it’s gone
Maybe it’ll come back when we finally get rid of
Adam, Malcolm and Barham

The Emmorettis

Alan Moretti, aka "Kidd Rasta" has been nominated for the coveted Emmoretty award for his rendition of Please Release Me, Let Me Go and Another One Bites the Dust.

Has anyone seen Lightshines?

And for his next number...Lightshines says...

Adam would like you to know:

Thanks to the Drifters – We’ll soon be “On Broadway” (click for sound)

They say the Press’ lights are bright
in Freehold
They say they’re laying all my faults out there
But when I’m walking down Main Street
and I control who gets a seat
The catcalls rub right off and I don’t care

They say that I’m no good for the GOP
in Freehold
But I’m still here - I know that gives them the blues
Cause I already lost one seat
And in November we’ll be beat
But even though we lose, I’ll still be here

I can’t raise funds, so what, I never could
I can’t unite, or do anything I should
But I’ve got power, the party be damn’d
Billy’s got my back, the party’s Barham’d
And I won’t quit til the party’s dead
in Freehold

My ego’s all that matters to me
I never cared for the GOP you see
And Billy’s got my back as we fold
in Freehold

12th of never, by Lightshines

The State Democratic Party has asked Johnny Mathis to explain their position on clean elections:

You ask how much we’re spending.
Must I explain.
We need to win the District
Like pigs need grain.
You ask about clean elections
The fourteenth will do
But in the twelfth, it’s never
We need to bury you.
We don’t want it close, we’ll never let it go
We don’t want it close, we want control from head to toe.
We’ll beat you til the GOP has left the room.
We’ll beat you with an odor that’s not perfume,
We’ll beat you til your party can’t raise a dime
We’ll clean the fourteenth district where no one else can climb
But in the twelfth, it’s never and that's a long long time.
But in the twelfth, it’s never and that’s a long long time

Adam's Family Feud

With all the headlines about the reconstruction of the Hall of Records, I (Lightshines) couldn't help but think of The Carpenters:

We’ve only just begun to feud
Back stabs and promises
Pretend we’re calm and demand our way
And yes, we’ve just begun

Though Clifton says he’ll work with Anna
That’s not who the goons will choose
Puharic’s guerillas won’t let her run
And yes, we’ve just begun

Fighting each other, this is new to us
Something that’s recent for the GOP
Adam’s made a brand new art of it
Ripping us further day to day
Asunder

And when November comes, we’ll cry
So much to lose this year
We’ll all be gone with the winter’s snow
And yes, we’ve just begun.

Wasser Watch

Lightshines said...

With all of the quotes and articles about Wasser, we haven't really given him a chance to give his side. So we sent out our ace reporter Tevye to get Wasser's take on all this:

If I faked a Doctorate,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I faked a Doctorate.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I faked a PH, biddy biddy PH,
PHD from BS, BSU.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
Using taxpayers money, naturally.
I’d have me one great career just going up,
And a District even longer coming down,
And education leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my schools with cheats and turkeys and quacks and losers
For the towns to see and hear.
And rent-a-cops just as hostile as they can be

And each loud "hey" and "yo" and "shut up your mouth"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here rules a powerful man."

If I faked a Doctorate,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I faked a Doctorate.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I faked a PH, biddy biddy PH,
PHD from BS, BSU.

Do you sound like Elvis?

Elvis impersonator wanted to record "Lightshines'" latest rendition.

Bob Ingle wants to use the song on his radio show with The Jersey Guys on 101.5 FM. The recording will also be used as the theme song of the upcoming MoreMonmouthMusing BlogRadio show, coming in February.

Respond to ArtVG@aol.com

Adam's looking for love in all the wrong places.

Lightshines, help me here.


The chairman could use some tips from the Geeseman.

A Lightshines production

Sergeant Pepper has been to New Jersey and has been wondering where he can get whatever the Governor is on. In the meantime, he dedicated this song to our esteemed Guvnor.

Well thirty five years ago today,
Max Yasgur died and went away,
Woodstock nation’s lost its style,
We’ve sold out for a painted smile,
So may I introduce to you,
The act you've known in recent years,
Guvnor Corzine’s Lonely hearts club band!



We're Guvnor Corzine’s Lonely hearts club band, we hope you will enjoy the show,
We're Guvnor Corzine’s Lonely hearts club band, sit back cause everything must go,
We're Guvnor Corzine’s Lonely, Guvnor Corzine’s Lonely,
Guvnor Corzine’s lonely hearts club band!

It’s wonderful to be here,
but the Guvnor feels alone,
You're such a lovely audience we'd like to take your home from you, we'd love to take your home!

I don't really wanna stop the show,
But I see you’ve let the flying pigs go,
Now the guvnor’s gonna sing a song,
And he'd like you all to sing along,
So may I introduce to you,
The man who’s earning all the jeers,
And Guvnor Corzine’s lonely hearts club band!

The beat goes on

Lightshines said...
You can't even imagine the songs we rejected from Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and others before Cher came up with one clean enough for a family blogsite:

The beat goes on, the beat goes on
Politicians seem to lose their brains
La de da de de, la de da de da

Elliot S. was once the rage, uh huh
History has turned the page, uh huh
Now he’s not the greatest thing, uh huh
Payin’ prices like he was king, uh huh

The beat goes on, the beat goes on
Politicians seem to lose their brains
La de da de de, la de da de da

The Emperor’s Club’s his super mart, uh huh
Little girls still break our hearts, uh huh
And men still keep on marching off to whores
The rich need something pricier than Scores

The beat goes on, the beat goes on
Politicians seem to lose their brains
La de da de de, la de da de da

Citizens sit in chairs and reminisce
While men use family funds to get a kiss
The pols keep going faster all the time
And we all wonder why we’re ruled by slime

The beat goes on, the beat goes on
Politicians seem to lose their brains
La de da de de, la de da de da

New Rules

Lightshines said...

My voice is a little hoarse this week so instead of singing a song, I thought I'd ask Bill Maher to help us out with some New Rules for this year's campaign:

New Rule: Stop telling us that you are “independent” when you’ve been nominated by a political party. They nominated you because they know you’ll do what they want, not because of your good looks (when Ellen Karcher and Jen Beck pass as “hot women”, you KNOW no one has been nominated for their good looks).

New Rule: Don’t insult our intelligence by telling us how you’re going to cut the budget just as soon as you get to Trenton. No one is going to listen to a freshman assemblyperson or even a sophomore one, so the answer is, you’re going to do what you’re told to do.

New Rule: Please don’t send us those campaign pictures this year with you and your family. If your family life was so good, you wouldn’t be taking all of this time away from them to run for office.

New Rule: Spare us the campaign biography that says you were president of the student body or campfire girls or whatever you did before you grew up. You didn’t work a 50 million or 100 million or 500 million dollar budget in the campfire girls or on campus so we don’t care.

New Rule: We don’t care whether you’re pro-choice or pro-life. You’re not running for Supreme Court or for president, so it doesn’t matter. It’s not an issue you’re ever going to affect.

New Rule: If you don’t have any experience, don’t pretend you do. When you tell us you were the “assistant to an attorney who advised someone who represented a person who helped get a friend elected president of the republican club” you’re telling us you have no experience to tell us about. Trust me, we already know that.

New Rule: Stop getting your friends to post online that your opponent is gay. We’re living in Monmouth County. All of the residents here have been screwed up the rear by local politicians for years. We’ll just assume your opponent lives here too.

New Rule: Stop trying to convince us that your opponent is controlled by “special interests.” You are running a campaign. Unless you paid for it yourself, you are controlled by whatever special interest is paying for your campaign, even if it’s your county chairman. If you did pay for the campaign yourself, you’re an idiot and we don’t want you representing us anyway.

New Rule: We don’t want to hear that you are against crime, opposed to domestic violence, or will fight for more services and lower taxes. A crime by definition is already a violation of law – there’s not much more you can add to that picture. Since we don’t expect you to say you are for domestic violence, you’re not telling us anything. You can’t add services and cut taxes at the same time; at best you can “rearrange services” and replace one tax with another one that’s not as visible.

New Rule: Finally, don’t knock on our door and say “I want to be your committeeperson/councilperson/assemblyperson/senator or whatever.” You don’t want to be MY representative. You want the title. You don’t care whether I come with the package or not. But that’s ok, after all these years of campaign promises and lies, I really don’t care who my committeeperson/councilperson/assemblyperson/senator or whatever is. But the campaign literature is a lot of fun.

Middle Township apologies for arrests

Another Lightshines production...

On Thursday, Middle Township officials decided to apologize to Steve Lonegan and Seth Grossman for violating their First Amendment rights. Because they are not professional communicators, we hired Brenda Lee to communicate their apology:

I'm sorry, so sorry
That I was such a fool
I didn't know
That First Amendment Rule
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Uh-oh
Oh, yes

We made some mistakes
To protect and serve our guvnor
Don’t matter who’s right
What we did has been done

I'm sorry, So sorry
Please accept my apology
It’s tough to protect
a policy like Corzine’s
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Uh-oh
Oh, yes

The Guv’s made mistakes
He never had experience
We screwed with your rights
But at least he’s not McGreevey
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Uh-oh
Oh, yes

I'm sorry, so sorry
Please accept my apology
Justice is blind
But not too blind to see
your signs.